Exquisite Excuses

Excuses--------this is a very useful technique we all use in everyday life. In bengali, this is termed "ojuhaat" . A friend of mine once told me that we, the Bengalees, have three hands ( haat), namely, the Right hand ( or daan haat), Left hand ( baaN haat) and Ojuhaat. When neither right nor left hand works, we use our third hand, and in most of the critical cases, if we can use this hand properly, we succeed in getting away with the trouble.

Here, besides studying, I also need to teach math courses to the undergraduates . These students do not like maths, and most of them has a sort of "math phobia". In order to skip classes, or to turn in a late homework, or to take a late exam, they come with a lot of different excuses, and some of them are really fascinating. I want to list some of them below:

• I cannot come to class today due to stomach upset/flu/fever/headache. Would you accept if I turn in my homework the next day?? This is a very reasonable excuse, the illness changes as the season changes. In winter, its headache, and when the temparature fluctuates , the illness changes to flu, fever, cold etc, and stomach upset is perennial.

• I was not in town yesterday, as I had to attend the funeral of my paternal uncle's mother-in-law. Can I submit the homework later? This is quite common an excuse for skipping classes. Only, the relation between the deceased and the student changes from occassions. Grandma, Grandpa (from both sides), step-mom and dad, and then, these type of distant relatives. Some students are not so imaginative, or they have a weak memory. So they kill their Grandma or Grandpa more than once!! But, most of them are cautious in this respect. Relatives die mostly when an exam is scheduled.
  

• I was on my way, but my car battery got into trouble / I had flat tyres./ I got a ticket. This is the one for which you cannot protest. In wintertime, specially in the morning classes, batteries do not work quite often, and on friday evening, the tyre gets flat, because Friday party is more lucrative in all means than a mundane math class.

• Dear Sir, I did my homework , but while submitting, I got distracted watching a pretty girl, and followed her. Can you please--------? This is the most imaginative excuse I have had so far . I appreciated the student very much for his on-spot innovation, and really accepted the homework.

• Sir, I could not come to class yesterday for the exam, because my lovely dog died. Can we reschedule the exam? I was really amazed by the humbleness of the student. This will be the second best innovative excuse I came across so far.

Now, the important thing: what did I learn from this list? Well, to apply these same excuses as and when required. Last semester, I was assigned to teach early in the morning from 7:30!! Its a real pain. Students can be late, they can sleep in the class snoring, but, as an instructor, you have to be in class on time. One day, I woke up at 7:25 !!!! It was a real disaster. I hurried to the class at 7:47. The students were waiting for me, although 3-4 of them left. As I entered, one guy told, " We thought you won't come today". Without any prior thinking, I announced, " Sorry guys, my car-battery was not working, so I was stuck in my parking lot . Sorry for the delay"!!!!!!! The reality is, I do not have a car! But the students do not know it. They were happy, I was happy, and the class started happily.